Feeling Much Better

I don't know what was wrong with me last night but I just couldn't go to sleep. Maybe it was all that resting I did yesterday. So I stayed up until 4:30 a.m. (I know I'm crazy) working on none other than my blog layout. This one I did all myself, no template here, so after about 4 hours I think I've mastered the whole html thing. Anyway, I woke up at 8 a.m. not really ready to wake up but needing to get the kids ready for their visit and Jaidyn ready to take to school. Social Services had a runner come and get the kids today because I wasn't sure how I was going to be feeling. Luis did not want to go. I have never seen him act this way before, when the social worker came to the door he took of crying and ran to the family room. I went in to pick him up and try to assure him that everything was going to be okay and that he'd be back home soon. He calmed down a little and then when I went to put him the car seat he started crying again. I felt horrible. I gave him a hug and tried to calm him down but he just didn't want to go. A little while later I talked to our Social Worker on the telephone and told her what happened, she said "yeah, that's normal". Are you kidding me? That is not normal. I don't even know why we are continuing with these visits anyway, everyone I've talked to my mentors, including CASA have said that we shouldn't be having visits still. The parent's rights are going to be terminated, the Judge granted that and there is no chance that they'll get the kids back at this point, so why are they putting Luis and Luhanie through this? Next week the Social Worker wants to have 2 visits instead of one, just to suffice the parents, this is actually what she told me. I really like our Social Worker, we get along really well, but I am not understanding her intentions here at all. So I've decided that no more "miss nice D" I'm going to start putting my foot down and become a worst nightmare if needs be, but I can't put Luis or Luhanie through this anymore, it's really not fair to them.

So the funny thing is, I got about 4 hours of sleep last night and I have so much energy today I don't know what to do with it all. It's probably just because I'm feeling lots better, I really don't like being sick, and I especially don't like having to lay around all day, I am a busy body, always doing something, it use to drive John crazy, he's a lot more laid back than me and likes his relaxation time, but I think he's gotten use to it by now. So anyway, the kids were off on their visit for 2 hours. 2 hours to myself! I just didn't know what to do, so I decided to make some bread. I found this great recipe and decided to give it a try, it turns out I'm a horrible bread maker. I have tried and tried to make good bread, but it just never turns out. So like a dummy I attempt it once again and my bread is not rising! I just don't know what I do wrong, I follow the recipe exactly and it just never turns out. I'm not giving up though, one day I know I'll make the most amazing bread, and I'll keep it as my secret recipe, only sharing it with those who also have horrible experiences in bread making as well.