Such a BIG Decision!
Last week we went to court AGAIN for Luis and Luhani. Pretty much the same thing as last time but an interesting thing happened. While we were out in the waiting area, their birth mom approached me and asked if she could attend Luis' first day of school. Seeing how Luis is picked up by the bus at our home I told her that it probably was not possible. As I was talking to her the District Attorney interrupted and began talking about having a meeting with John and I about possible adoption. Birth mom was kind of taken back, reality still hasn't set in for her. There was a big part of me that felt really horrible and sad for her. I can't imagine what it would feel like to have your children taken away and to know that someone else was possibly going to be raising them.
That following Monday we met with the District Attorney in her office and she informed us of our legal rights as well as the children's and birth parents. We talked about the possibility of adopting or not adopting, open/closed adoption, and a few things to do with Lana. We were also told that Lana is currently on a reunification track and what that would mean is that if she goes back to her birth parents (which in the courts eye's is quite likely) then there would have to be sibling visits organized between the 3 children. This would mean that our family would be in forever contact with the birth family (UGH!, can I just say that would be absolute hell on earth!) The last thing that we were told before we left that the District Attorney would like our decision within 7 days! We were a little taken back on the short time, as this case has been dragging on for 2 years now and last we were told about 1 month ago was that no decisions were going to be made for another 6 months. Now all the sudden it's a complete rush.
So John and I talked a lot about our feelings on the way home from court, we were both so very confused on what to do, there's so many variables to think about and so many things that will quite literally change our family either way we decide. We came to the conclusion that we need to go to the temple more often (weekly), pray, pray and pray and then take the coming week to write down how we feel about both decisions, that way it was written down so that neither one of us could persuade the other, but our real feelings would be written down. We also had Jaidyn do the same.
It has been 1 week now and John and I sat down one afternoon opened our long typed out lists, along with Jaidyn's list written in crayon on an index card and came to what we thought was a very concrete decision. Given all the many obstacles, mainly to do with Lana going back to her birth parents and the sibling visits, we decided to not go through with the adoption, what a hard decision that was. I have to say it is the hardest thing I have ever had to decide. So we began writing the letter to the DA, Social Worker and Therapist that we've been working with and then........we chickened out! We have decided to give it more time. The worst thing that will come of it is that the termination will end up going to trial in September (which is what the parents want to do because they feel they have a case, even though their own attorneys don't want to go that route and feel it's a complete waste of time) The Judge even told them it was a bad idea. So the good thing is that it gives us more time, the trial is for 2 days and by the end of those two days termination will either be granted or not and then we can see where we're at and how we're feeling, we also may know a little more about Lana's case as well.
So there you have it, we came to a decision and then didn't come to a decision. Can I say this is totally not like us! When John and I decide on something there is no turning back and we turn that chapter in our life and move on. But this is so much different. I never thought it would be this hard. It is so much more complex then I can even explain or had ever imagined. Of course our first and foremost concern is for Jaidyn and the kids, we love them so much and letting them go would be soooo very hard. I guess only time will tell. So if you call us and we're not home, you will more than likely find us at the temple or praying for guidance. We need all the help we can get right now.
That following Monday we met with the District Attorney in her office and she informed us of our legal rights as well as the children's and birth parents. We talked about the possibility of adopting or not adopting, open/closed adoption, and a few things to do with Lana. We were also told that Lana is currently on a reunification track and what that would mean is that if she goes back to her birth parents (which in the courts eye's is quite likely) then there would have to be sibling visits organized between the 3 children. This would mean that our family would be in forever contact with the birth family (UGH!, can I just say that would be absolute hell on earth!) The last thing that we were told before we left that the District Attorney would like our decision within 7 days! We were a little taken back on the short time, as this case has been dragging on for 2 years now and last we were told about 1 month ago was that no decisions were going to be made for another 6 months. Now all the sudden it's a complete rush.
So John and I talked a lot about our feelings on the way home from court, we were both so very confused on what to do, there's so many variables to think about and so many things that will quite literally change our family either way we decide. We came to the conclusion that we need to go to the temple more often (weekly), pray, pray and pray and then take the coming week to write down how we feel about both decisions, that way it was written down so that neither one of us could persuade the other, but our real feelings would be written down. We also had Jaidyn do the same.
It has been 1 week now and John and I sat down one afternoon opened our long typed out lists, along with Jaidyn's list written in crayon on an index card and came to what we thought was a very concrete decision. Given all the many obstacles, mainly to do with Lana going back to her birth parents and the sibling visits, we decided to not go through with the adoption, what a hard decision that was. I have to say it is the hardest thing I have ever had to decide. So we began writing the letter to the DA, Social Worker and Therapist that we've been working with and then........we chickened out! We have decided to give it more time. The worst thing that will come of it is that the termination will end up going to trial in September (which is what the parents want to do because they feel they have a case, even though their own attorneys don't want to go that route and feel it's a complete waste of time) The Judge even told them it was a bad idea. So the good thing is that it gives us more time, the trial is for 2 days and by the end of those two days termination will either be granted or not and then we can see where we're at and how we're feeling, we also may know a little more about Lana's case as well.
So there you have it, we came to a decision and then didn't come to a decision. Can I say this is totally not like us! When John and I decide on something there is no turning back and we turn that chapter in our life and move on. But this is so much different. I never thought it would be this hard. It is so much more complex then I can even explain or had ever imagined. Of course our first and foremost concern is for Jaidyn and the kids, we love them so much and letting them go would be soooo very hard. I guess only time will tell. So if you call us and we're not home, you will more than likely find us at the temple or praying for guidance. We need all the help we can get right now.
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Love you guys!